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Dublin: 12 °C Friday 8 November, 2024

15 pearls of wisdom every Irish child needs to know

Listen up, parents.

HAVE A YOUNG child?

Teach them these 15 pearls of wisdom and they won’t go wrong.

1. First of all, you must learn the art of the Irish apology.

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2. Put on suncream, but don’t worry if you get a bit of sunburn — sure, it’ll turn to tan anyway.

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3. No address? No problem! An Post always finds a way, my child.

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4. If you have these nine words, you’ll be able to make it through just about any hairy situation

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Guaranteed to get you out of any hairy situation you may find yourself in.

5. Advice: he best way to bond with fellow Irishmen is to find something to complain about

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The weather, the government, the GAA — whatever you fancy.

6. But if you have a legitimate complaint to make in, say, a restaurant, keep it to yourself

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Oh, your food is cold? Don’t tell the waiter/waitress. Just keep it to yourself, complain about it on the way home and make a solemn vow to “never go back there”.

That’s the Irish way.

7. Respect and value the wisdom of An Garda Síochána

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8. Don’t venture out into the world unless you’re armed with a handful of vague phrases for getting out of conversations

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  • I’ll leave you go.
  • Don’t let me keep you.
  • Sure, look, this is it.

9. Just ignore spellcheck. It doesn’t know what it’s talking about.

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10. You’ll need to get to grips with IST (Irish Standard Time)

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11. And you’ll have to come to terms with the fact that public transport runs on IST.

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“Son, that bus might say it’s due in 3 minutes, but it won’t be here for 12 minutes.”

12. You’ll never starve if you can say the words, “Can I have a chicken fillet roll?”

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13. Repeat after us: it’s not ham sandwich, it’s hang sangwich

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14. If you don’t know a boy or a girl’s name, simply refer to them as “your man” or “your woman”

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Perfectly acceptable.

15. Finally, learn this song and you’ll be the life of every party

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10 truly Irish ways of blowing people off >

18 things Irish people just love to moan about >

Author
Amy O'Connor
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